Thursday, January 1, 2015
I have found that the hard thing about Black love is that a
good portion of our relationships are spent overcoming the condition of
distrust and the subconscious feelings of unworthiness put in us by society. Fatin
and I were extremely naive when we started out, acting out roles that we thought
represented a good marriage: husband as provider, nurturing wife, agreed upon spiritual
beliefs.
Although those things are important, it took like ten minutes to realize the intellectual and emotional heft needed to stay married were in a different galaxy from where we were. Our desire to stay married made us challenge our limits on patience, humility, compassion, forgiveness and maturity. Our biggest obstacle was us. We were forced to ditch bad philosophy from past pain and childhood, plus, not hinge the worth of our whole relationship on one issue. We’ve learned to relax long enough to trust that we were loved and that one fact would make us receptive to critique from each other.
These are all continuous lessons that have degrees of difficulty depending on how life unfolds. Islam states, “Marriage is half your religion", and it’s true, because marriage will test and strengthen every single spiritual obligation.
Although those things are important, it took like ten minutes to realize the intellectual and emotional heft needed to stay married were in a different galaxy from where we were. Our desire to stay married made us challenge our limits on patience, humility, compassion, forgiveness and maturity. Our biggest obstacle was us. We were forced to ditch bad philosophy from past pain and childhood, plus, not hinge the worth of our whole relationship on one issue. We’ve learned to relax long enough to trust that we were loved and that one fact would make us receptive to critique from each other.
These are all continuous lessons that have degrees of difficulty depending on how life unfolds. Islam states, “Marriage is half your religion", and it’s true, because marriage will test and strengthen every single spiritual obligation.
Aja Graydon-Dantzler
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